You're as Cold as Ice
by 143Reno
Summary: Kokgame lives and breathes to serve her captain, when the ultimate test of her willpower arises will she be able to maintain control? ToshiroXOC.


Just because I look so young doesn't mean I can't hold my own. I'm not just some 14 year old kid; I'm just as capable of fighting as everyone else- which is why I'm a seated officer. I joined the 10th squad after I met my captain, Toshiro Hitsugaya, and it's been the best place for me considering my captain looks just as young as I do. I looked up to him, and I could honestly say that I had started to grow feelings for him after being here for so long. He treated me with as much respect as anyone else- he even made me his third seat underneath Rangiku Fukutaicho. I sat up from my position where I was laying on my desk and pushed my black glasses up higher on my nose. As I was about to resume paper work, I heard a knock at my door. I stood up and when I answered it I noticed it was my vice captain.

"Mesow-Saaaaaaaaaan! The captain would like a word with you in his office as soon as you finish that paper work!" she yelled while saluting me.

"Why did you just salute me, Fukutaicho?" I asked with my eyebrow raised.

"Dunno, just felt like it. Oh hey did you get paler by chance? I can't even see you, you're blending in with your bland colored walls!" she yelled while poking my face. I slammed the door shut in her face and stalked back over to my desk.

"So what if I'm pale, you idiot- at least I tuck my body where it's supposed to go!" I yelled when I still heard her whining outside the door. Don't get me wrong, I was close with my vice captain, but she was the most obnoxious woman in the universe. I let my mint green eyes scan the page before signing my name in four different locations.

Everyone in soul society found me a little strange because of my appearance. Haven't they ever heard 'don't judge a book by its cover'? I mean jeeze. Just because I had long black hair with mint green bangs that match my eyes doesn't make me some kind of freak. I loved my hair; it made me who I was. I continued to sign my name for the next hour.

"AH Thank GOD that's OVER!" I yelled to myself while stretching out and stapling them together. I ran over to the mirror and smoothed out my shinigami uniform over my slender form. No matter what anyone else says, I like the way I look and nothing can change that. Not even the scar on my right bicep…

_"Mom, are you ready yet? You've been putting on makeup foreverrrr!" I yelled as I tugged on her dress._

_ "Kokgame, you need to relax! The store isn't going anywhere, sweetie." She said while putting the last dash of mascara across her long, gorgeous lashes. She put her bag away and gently took my hand as we descended the stairs to the car. _

_ "Am I gonna be able to pick something out since I came along with you?" I yelled from the backseat. When she didn't answer me right away I started to get a little impatient and threw something into the seat next to her. It startled her into oncoming traffic. The other car didn't move. _

I yelled as I threw the figurine on my desk against the wall. It shattered into three pieces and hit the floor. I shook my head back and forth and ran out of the room, pulling the door closed as I went.

I walked down the street to my captain's headquarters and took a deep breath before rapping against the door gently. The door was opened by our fifth seat that looked like he was going to be sick.

"What's the matter, Kogoro-san?" I asked while putting a hand on his shoulder. He just shook his head at me and walked down the hall. I shrugged it off and entered the room. I poked my head in and knocked to be respectful and he ushered for me to enter the room.

"Hello, Taicho. What did you need me for?" I asked with a bow. He offered me a seat a little closer to him and I wiped off the blush that was lingering across my face.

"I'm sorry to call you here on such late notice, Kokgame- but this is urgent and I needed to let you know immediately." He said with his icy eyes staring directly into my minty ones. "I need you to go on a special mission with me to the real world- and you alone. No one else can help me the way you can." He said with a gentle tone. The captain was never gentle…what was going on?

"Why am I the only one who can help you with this mission?" I asked with a sly tone and a slight glare.

"It has to do with a certain hollow. Only your weapon can kill it and we'll be able to fit in better according to our appearances." He said with a slightly agitated look.

"Well, I am honored that you chose to take me along with you, Captain and I would be honored to. When do we leave?" I asked him.

"Tomorrow morning at the sun's rise. I'll send Rangiku for you so I don't have to awkwardly barge into your sleeping quarters." He said while rising from his chair. I nodded once and stood as well. Not sure how to depart, I extended my hand out to him and we shook on it. Being slightly more upfront than I normally would, I held his grip for only a second longer that was necessary. Either he didn't notice or he just pretended not to. I walked out of that door and back to my quarters so I could mentally prepare myself for the next few days spent with the one I loved.

After being molested by Rangiku, we were both on our way. We both landed on the soft earth with a small thud. I looked around at my surroundings and my eyes widened.

"You didn't tell me this is where we would be going." I said in a horrified voice.

"It's just Karakura Town, Mesow-san. What's the big deal?" he asked me with concern in his eyes.

"This is where I grew up before I died." I said in a cold voice.

"Isn't that a good thing for you to be back where you once lived?" he asked gently. I just shook my head back and forth.

"My memories here…aren't good ones, Taicho." I said in a solemn voice. He didn't continue with the subject any further. We walked along the road down to a circle of large homes- they were huge!

"We'll be staying in the one over there with the pillars and the balcony, Kokgame." He said while pointing out the brick house that may have been almost as large as the Seiretei.

"Why are we staying in such luxury, Captain?" I asked in awe.

"I figured it would be nice to get away from our regular quarters. I didn't feel like staying in a sleazy hotel either- I'm a captain in the court guard squads for Christ's sake." He said while angrily strutting over to the house. I shrugged and followed right behind him. The neighbors were coming out of their homes also to see who the new people were that would temporarily be staying there but to their disappointment, they saw no one.

"Hey captain, when these people see us in our Gigai's I have a really bad feeling we'll be getting a visit from CPS." I said in a joking manner.

"Very funny, Mesow- we're going to be fine. I have the deeds and my voice is just as deep as a regular sized man, isn't it?" it wasn't. We were doomed.

_What was happening? Where was I? Where's mom? I got up and looked around and realized I was lying in a hospital bed._

_ "What the hell's going on?" I said out loud to no one in particular. I pulled the UVs out of my tiny arm and went searching around the corridors. I only got a few steps before a nurse stopped me in my tracks._

_ "Hi Sweetie, what can I do for you?" she asked as she put a hand on the top of my tiny head._

_ "I'm looking for my mom. My name's Kokgame Mesow and her name's Victania Mesow." I said to her. She turned pale white._

_ "Oh…you're Mrs. Mesow's daughter? Honey let me take you back to your room and I'll go see what I can do." She led me back and tucked me into bed with the nearest stuffed animal. I lay there and watched cartoons for a good half hour before another nurse came into my room._

_ "Hi there little one, you're Kokgame Mesow right?" she asked with a sad smile._

_ "Yes I am, can you help me find my mommy?" I asked, getting excited. Her sad smile turned to a slight frown and she sat down at the edge of my bed. She took my little hand in hers and held it there._

_ "Honey, your mommy's dead. She was killed in the accident. I'm so sorry." She said while still holding my hand. I stared her dead in the face with a slight glare._

_ "You're lying."_

"YOU'RE LYING!" I yelled as I woke up. I had flung myself from my bed and landed on the ground with a thud. I was dripping in cold sweat and breathing hard. I burst into tears right there and pounded my fist to the floor. I stood up and decided I had unfinished business to attend to. I slipped into my gigai and wrote Toshiro-san a note. I took a final look at my room and leapt out of the window into the cold, dark night.

(Toshiro POV)

I sprinted into the room and noticed that Kokgame was missing from her bed which was neatly made. On top of the silk white covers was a note addressed to me:

_**Taicho,**_

_** I'm sorry to burden you so early on into our trip- but there's some unfinished business I must attend to. I've returned to my old home in another location of which I will not say. I'll be back by morning and everything will be alright. Sorry if I woke you with my screams.**_

_** Your Third Seat,**_

_** Kokgame Mesow**_

I stared at the note and crumpled it in my hand. I would be able to track her- and I know she forgot about that little detail. What was she up to? I was getting worried- I had always watched over her the closest out of everyone, she's just so important…

(Kokgame POV)

There it was- my old house. I knew he was in there, probably getting drunk and watching television. I decided that I wouldn't want to be seen just yet to double check everything. I peered through the window and saw that he was sitting on the couch…next to another woman…with a baby in his lap. I stared with my mouth agape at the scene- my father was sitting in my den with another family. He'd moved on as if nothing had happened.

The woman stood and left the room after kissing him on the lips and was gone. She took the baby on the way and I saw this as an opportune time to make my move. I moved in through an open door and slipped into my gigai. I stood in the door frame and watched him laugh at the stupid program on the screen. He muted the TV on commercials.

"Hello, father." I said in a cynical tone. He whipped around and once he saw me his face turned pale white and I could feel his blood run cold from where I stood.

"Who are you? What is this sick joke?" he yelled while getting to his feet. My gigai showed my body in a school uniform- just the way I died.

"This is no joke, father. I'm just as dead as you left me- but I'm no ghost either, oh no. I moved on to a different world and I've grown stronger and older. Though I still look about 14, but I'm almost 115. I've come back here to be your daughter once more!" I said with a huge smile.

"R—really?" he asked with a nervous grin.

"No." I said before kicking him right in the stomach and sending him to the floor. I closed and locked the den door so the others couldn't come back in.

"What do you want with me Kokgame?" he asked with stressed breaths.

"What do I want from you? I want an apology. I want you to apologize to mom right where you lay. You killed her, you sent us out to buy your booze and although I might have thrown that ketchup packet- it was your fault. And then because of your guilt…you killed me. You're a sick bastard and I completely despise everything about you. What do I want from you? I want you to die." I said as I raised my sword, Kurama. Just as I was about to lay the finishing blow on his head I heard the baby cry out.

"Daddy! I want daddy! Give me daddy! He's the best daddy ever!" the child cried out with joy. I dropped my sword to the ground and tears welled up in my eyes.

"I can't do it. I can't give this child the same fate as me- it deserves some kind of a father. It deserves two parents. I can't do it." I said as I sheathed my sword and turned to walk away. I unlocked the door and was out of the house faster than wildfire. I knelt down in the shrubs outside and brought my knees to my chest and started sobbing.

"I'm proud of you, Kokgame." I heard a voice say from the darkness. I moved my mint green bangs out of my eyes and saw my captain sit beside me. "I'm proud that you had the control to stop yourself, even if it were something you truly needed to do." He said. I just dropped my head to my knees again and took a deep breath. He slinked his arm over my shoulders and I leaned into him. I lifted my head and looked into his eyes.

"When I was a little kid, he sent my mother and me out to buy his alcohol. He was a serious alcoholic and would get violent whenever he drank, but he couldn't stop. He loved my mother- but not even she could break him from his habit. While we were driving, I asked her a question but she wasn't answering so I threw a ketchup packet into the front seat and it scared her so she swerved into the wrong lane. The car coming didn't attempt to move and we had a head-on collision. She was killed and I survived. I went home to live with my dad and he drank twice as much and beat me half to death…or so I thought. One day he got so drunk and angry and told me her death was all my fault- and he beat me literally to death. I came to Soul Society and when I realized I was given a second chance I trained so hard so I could make the 10th squad. I've looked to be in your squad ever since the day I arrived in Rukon, Taicho. With your help I've become stronger…strong enough to stop myself from killing the man who hurt me the most. No one else could have given me that kind of strength. Thank you." I finally finished telling him my history and he sat there staring at his right hand since his left arm was still over my shoulders. Keeping his arm around my shoulders, he moved and sat on top of me while putting both hands to each shoulder. He stared directly into my eyes with an intense air.

"It wasn't me that gave you strength to stop- it was the strength of your heart, Kokgame. That's why I'm so proud to call you my third seat and that's why I'm so happy to have brought you with me." He said with a smile on his face. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before standing.

"Well, I think I'll leave one more thing here before I go." I said while unsheathing my sword. My captain just sat on the ground with his hand on his cheek where I kissed it with widened eyes.

"Grow, Kurama." I said as my sword started to extend and shine. I aimed for the front of the door and vines shot from the tip of my blade. Right next to the door where you would walk out I created a vineyard and in the center there was a bush. I shaped the bush into a figurine of my mother. It looked so much like her that even my captain had approached it.

"This is beautiful." He said in a whisper.

"Yes, she was." I said. "Move away from there." I shot a burst of poison around the plant so if my father were to ever think of chopping it down there would be a poisonous cloud that would kill him in an instant.

"Let's get out of here, you barely slept last night, Mesow." He said to me with a smile. He extended his hand out to me and I took it. When I glanced back at my old life for the last time, I saw my father staring at me from out of the window. He nodded toward the orchard and nodded at me again. I hope to God he's a different man…for that child's sake.

"Taicho, I'm not really tired…would you mind sitting up with me and watching a movie or something?" I asked him in an honest tone.

"Sure, no problem." He said as he sat down on the huge leather sofa. I popped in some random movie and sat on the next cushion over- I felt it wouldn't be right if we sat so close together.

"You don't need to fear me, Kokgame-san. I'm not going to bite you." he said in a playful tone.

"I don't fear you, I just don't want to intrude on your personal space is all, Taicho." I replied while trying to cover up the blush. He chuckled lightly and patted the cushion next to him. I moved over and sat Indian-style. As I sat the couch sunk in slightly and brought me even closer to him.

"Thanks for understanding my past. I know it sounded like something from a sad story book- but at least now you understand why I'm so young and screwed up." I said with a light laugh.

"I love you the way you are, Kakgome. Your age, your mentality, your eyes, everything." He said with sincerity.

"Wait, love as in LOVE or love as in you love me as a subordinate?" I asked while allowing the deepest blush to creep onto my face. He took my by the shoulders again and looked directly into my mint green eyes.

"I'm in love with you, Kakgome Mesow. As hard as it is to admit for someone like me- you've just brought out the best in me. There's no mission here for us to do- I brought you here to tell you this, no matter how long it took me to conjure up the courage. You were so wonderful tonight and you're so outgoing that I couldn't let it sit any longer. I'm here in this town, in this ridiculous house to ask you if you'd love to be with me too." He said with emotion falling off of every word he spoke.

"Toshiro…I don't know what to say. This entire mission was a set up…and I'm so happy it was. The minute I landed in Soul Society after graduating from the academy and lay eyes on you- I knew you were going through the same thing I was. We were both mocked for being so young, but so powerful. I was so honored to be in your squad and I always tried to make you proud. I love you as well, Taicho, and I'd love to be yours." I said while taking his hands in mine.

He let out a long, deep breath and released his hands from my intertwined fingers. He put both hands on the sides of my face and brought me into the softest kiss I could have imagined. It was so sweet, but so icy cold that it was pleasant in every way.

We pulled apart and I smiled brightly as our foreheads touched and I let out a laugh of joy. That was my first kiss, and I was so happy to have shared it with him. I was happy to have shared this night with him. And I'll be happy to share the rest of my afterlife with him…Mom—I know you'd be proud.


End file.
